Love Is An Inside Job…

It’s funny how we, as women, do so much for those around us – our kids, our boss, our friends, and of course our man… With our man (among others in our life…but let’s focus there…) at the end of the day we often feel tired, overlooked, and not loved and acknowledged as much as we want.

What would it feel like to really start honoring and loving OURSELVES as much as we want our man to? What would that look like? What would that FEEL like? Where would you start if you made this a center part of who you are? Continue reading to see some tips to get you on the path of honoring and loving yourself as much as you want others in your life to.

 

5 Steps to Honoring And Loving Yourself

(As Much as You Want Others to Honor and Love You)

 

  1.  When you feel angry/pissed off/frustrated toward a response to your desire to be told thank you…I love you…I appreciate you (Insert every beautiful affirmation you’ve ever wanted your man to give you here) ALLOW yourself to feel it! Don’t try to change it. Don’t try to deny it. Let the feeling happen. Feeling your emotion doesn’t mean you blow up at the person who gave you the response you didn’t want. What it does mean is to let that hot, frustrating, energy move trough you. If you feel like you’ll blow up, walk away and allow yourself some alone time to feel it.

 

  1. While you’re feeling your emotion, tell yourself you have every right to feel it. We are the first person to hear our thoughts before they become words. ALWAYS speak gently to yourself. You’re human.

 

  1. When you’ve come down off the crescendo of that emotion, ask yourself “What brought that feeling up for me and how do I want to feel right now?”. Figuring out the root of why our emotion was triggered (and not the symptom of the lack of response) will give you the power to move to effortlessly work through the next step.

 

  1. After you’ve answered your questions of why you felt the emotion and how you want to feel, ask yourself  “What can I say to the other person to let them know how I feel in a way that’s not blaming then?” and write down the answer. After all…we each have the ability to choose our response. No one forces us to feel anything…our emotions arise based upon what we’ve experienced in our lives and what triggers us and we have the power to change that emotional response. With this step, you’re moving into taking back your power of choice! You don’t have to be at the mercy of your emotions…you have the ability to become aware and CHOOSE your response.  See my blog for info on “Speaking IN Ownership and How it Impacts Your Communication with Your Partner”. Here’s an Example of what a statement may look like: “I felt really angry yesterday after taking the time to cook a nice diner after working all day and not hearing any thanks… I don’t want to feel like that.) Note that you aren’t mentioning your partner in this at all. That’s by design.

 

  1. When you’re completely calm tell your partner what you wrote down. You can read it to them…memorize it…however you want to relay it. The important thing is you are sharing your emotion in ownership of it and NOT blaming them for how you felt.

 

This 5 step process is something that is so important in what I help my clients with…It’s changed how they communicate with their partner and you’d be amazed that it also changes how your partner responds to you. There is a definite difference between drama and emotion.  Knowing the difference and moving towards emotion and away from drama will impact many areas of your life in addition to changing the climate of your relationship.